Tuesday, 11/5: An Unexpected Shift in Pain
Tuesday felt like a step forward. I got up off the couch around 9 AM, immediately able to bear full weight thru my leg—a rare start to the day. Gathering my things for physical therapy, I even felt a bit of optimism. Though I arrived a couple of minutes late, thanks to a last-minute printer issue, the PT session itself went smoothly. I managed all the exercises without any nerve pain flaring up. The follow-up in the pool and hot tub was relaxing, but as soon as I propped my leg on a bench in the dressing room, a sharp pain in my hip reappeared. Just like that, I was back to relying on crutches. In fact, I was unable to put my sock back on my right foot. I made my way out into the lobby, tried one last time, but no luck. I was able to find a nice lady in the Physical Therapy office named Patty and she helped put my sock on.
This pattern of pain coming and going unpredictably is becoming a frustratingly familiar cycle. After resting in the car for about 15 minutes on the way home, I found myself able to walk again, weight-bearing and with little pain, as if those few moments of stillness had “reset” my hip.
At 1 PM, I had a call with my Duke doctor to discuss these fluctuations. She suggested that, instead of an MRI (which would likely have too much interference from the metal in my hip), we could start with lab tests to check for any signs of infection. If I travel to Durham, she also offered to articulate the hip joint manually to see if that reveals what’s causing these shifts in pain. The appointment is scheduled for Thursday.
In the afternoon, I spent some time with my friend Rachel. She had stopped by to do a bit of work, since her internet is still down from Hurricane Helene that ripped through Western North Carolina 5 weeks ago! We had a great time catching up. Lokah even found a new spot to get comfy! I had to politely remind him not do sleep on my bags.
In the evening, I decided to relax in my hammock with a microdose of mushrooms and a cup of cacao for 90 minutes. Afterwards I was feeling alive, ready to do something outside the box, besides being at my house, where I have spent so much time lately! I headed to Lowe’s to pick up a hook for the hammock, then stopped by Chick-fil-A. Navigating the store with crutches felt manageable, and it was refreshing to be out and about with less discomfort. I spent the night tinkering with the hammock setup and listening to music, letting myself enjoy a sense of freedom that had been elusive recently. By 10:30 PM, I found myself dancing, playing a drum, and embracing this brief respite from pain, all while fully weight bearing with no crutch or cane!
This stretch of relative comfort left me questioning whether I even needed to make the trip to Duke on Thursday. I felt hopeful that perhaps a turning point was near, and I planned to monitor my body closely the next day.
Wednesday, 11/6: New Practices, Fresh Energy
Wednesday morning greeted me with sunlight streaming in through the windows—a pleasant surprise after expecting clouds. I woke up at 8:30 and could walk without any crutches, feeling stable and free of the intense nerve pain. It was a morning of small victories: I even took the time to cut my hair, listen to Spotify, and take a long shower.
While showering, I noticed my mind was buzzing with scattered thoughts. Inspired by the book No Bad Parts, I tried a new technique, asking my mind to allow for more “space.” No Bad Parts teaches that each of us has various internal “parts”—managers, protectors, exiles, etc.—that all play unique roles in our emotional and mental landscape. This practice of asking for space felt like a way to find some calm amid the constant activity of the mind, helping me feel more grounded.
Afterward, I lay on my yoga mat for 10 minutes of breathwork, followed by a short guided meditation. The exercises were simple but helped me tune in to my breath, bringing my focus back to my body and sensations rather than the usual mental chatter. This brought a moment of peace, as if I were touching the stillness beneath the surface of my daily thoughts and concerns.
At noon, I decided to enjoy the sun and do some reading outdoors. Then, at 1:30 PM, I had a 90-minute massage, which was deeply rejuvenating. Walking out of the massage office, I felt stable without my crutches, a notable milestone. For the first time in a week, my hip girdle felt secure, free of the nerve pain that has haunted me lately. It was a welcome relief.
Afternoon Shifts and Evening Reflections
Back at work around 4:20 PM, I noticed the nerve sensitivity creeping back in while sitting at my desk. Certain transitions—like twisting my torso—seemed to reignite the nerve pain. The sensation would briefly intensify when I stood up and then fade. By 6 PM, I joined my weekly men’s call while relaxing in my hammock, taking it easy for the evening.
Dinner was a warm bowl of stew with fresh cornbread, and I could still feel a faint hint of nerve pain during certain transitions, but nothing compared to recent days. I was able to use just a walking cane rather than relying on crutches, marking another hopeful sign.
By 8 PM, I had settled in at my computer desk, diving deep into my reflection on No Bad Parts. Writing about the book allowed me to integrate the insights from its pages with my own journey of healing and self-understanding. The reflection helped me see how far I’ve come, even amid all the ups and downs. There’s a certain resilience I’m discovering in myself—a willingness to keep adjusting and adapting to whatever my body is telling me.
Looking Ahead
These two days brought moments of reprieve, quiet reminders that progress, even if small, is happening. Though I don’t know what tomorrow holds, this experience is teaching me to appreciate each good moment and to find ways to make peace with the difficult ones. And while the path forward may still be unclear, these small victories carry me forward.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you made it to the end, I would love to hear from you! 
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu – May All Beings Be Happy and Free 