11/3/24 – 11/4/24: Sunday and Monday Reflections
A Test of Patience and Pain Management
Over the past two days, my recovery journey has been marked by fluctuating pain levels and new insights into the unpredictable nature of healing. Reflecting on my body’s responses has taught me that, while some progress is linear, other steps are entirely out of my control, reminding me to continually adapt and find a balance between pushing forward and surrendering.
Sunday, 11/3: Wrestling with Discomfort and Small Victories
The night was restless. As I lay in bed with intense discomfort, I found myself constantly repositioning, sometimes needing to turn on the light just to figure out how to shift without igniting the sharp, stabbing nerve pain in my hip. It felt like an impingement pressing inwards, almost as if my body was urgently signaling something deeper. Around 2 AM, I decided to move to the recliner in my Dining Room to sleep!
The morning brought little relief. Despite the lingering pain, I managed to settle into my reclining chair outside, taking a moment to feel the fresh air and sip cacao while reading ‘No Bad Parts.’ In this fragile state, even the simple act of sitting outside felt like an achievement—a grounding reminder to be grateful for small victories. My mother stopped by with groceries, and we talked about my condition. It was sobering to acknowledge that a hospital visit might be in my near future if the pain persisted. Still, I’m hoping that an MRI or further evaluation at Duke can bring clarity soon.
By the evening, even basic movements felt daunting. Moving from sitting to standing seemed to apply relentless pressure on the nerve, leading me to adapt to the slow-motion transitions that allowed the pain to recede slightly. It’s an ongoing adjustment, finding ways to navigate the pain rather than simply pushing through it.
Monday, 11/4: Flashes of Relief and Lingering Questions
Monday morning started with a surprising wave of relief. I woke up on the couch and, for a few brief moments, was able to put weight thru my leg without pain. The position I’d been sleeping in seemed neutral enough to give my hip and leg a rare chance to settle. As I walked to the bathroom, I found myself moving almost naturally, relying on crutches only as a backup rather than a necessity.
Yet the relief was temporary. Throughout the day, the nerve pain returned unpredictably, fluctuating between intense and bearable. Around noon, I managed to eat breakfast and schedule an MRI for Wednesday, while also reconnecting with my surgeon at Duke. Although I could walk short distances without much pain, I remained cautious, wondering how such dramatic shifts in pain could happen so quickly.
When I decided to get outside and visit a coffee shop, the short outing reminded me how limiting these sudden changes can be. At first, I was able to walk, fully weight bearing, to the van with minimal discomfort, but as soon as I adjusted my body in the driver’s seat, pain surged. Arriving at the coffee shop, I was back on crutches. The hour spent there was pleasant, a reminder of life beyond recovery, but the transitions are a constant reminder of the instability I’m facing.
Reflections: The Ever-Present Mystery of Nerve Pain
This journey has revealed just how central nerve pain has been to my recovery. Some days, it feels like the main barrier to physical progress, keeping me from making strides in physical therapy and everyday mobility. The fluctuations in pain—sometimes allowing full weight-bearing, other times immobilizing me—are both baffling and frustrating. I can’t help but wonder: what is happening internally to cause this shifting intensity? Is it fluid buildup, nerve impingement, or something else?
Despite these uncertainties, I am taking it one step at a time. I’m learning to notice and adapt, hoping that as I continue exploring treatments and adjustments, I’ll find some relief and clarity. This evening, I settled into the couch to watch the movie Lucy, letting myself relax and unwind with my cat Lokah curled up beside me. In these moments of stillness, I’m reminded of the power of patience and the importance of allowing the body—and mind—to heal at their own pace.
Looking Ahead
With an MRI scheduled for later this week, I’m hopeful that the coming days will bring some answers or at least guidance on how to manage the nerve pain moving forward. The hope is that each day will bring more steadiness, if not yet progress, and that the lessons learned from navigating this pain will continue to shape my resilience and adaptability.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you made it to the end, I would love to hear from you! 
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu – May All Beings Be Happy and Free 